i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
