The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
