Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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