but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
