you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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