eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Too much gin, very little bucket
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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