I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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