I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
