Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
