i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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