He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
