Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
