Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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