I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
