it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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