her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
