Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
