i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize