Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize