It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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