They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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