glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
