She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
