so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
