Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
