Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
