ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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