they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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