I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
