final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I sprained my soul last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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