how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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