So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
