dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
