I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
