please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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