someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize