and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
