oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
