First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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