Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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