Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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