My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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