Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have already put on my inside pants.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
