If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
