you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize