we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
