My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
