I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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