you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
