Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
