I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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