It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
