so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize