We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
