well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
