This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
