I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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