Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
