I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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