i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
