He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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