It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
