Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
PANTIES FOUND
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize