Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's always time for handjobs
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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