She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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