Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
