quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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