I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
