I'm going to jail i love you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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