You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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