I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
