My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
