You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
