And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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