jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
