Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
