he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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