my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
