Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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