Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
